This year, I’ve been trying to improve my outlook, my attitude, and my life. I’ve been reading books about habits: essentially if you change small habits throughout your day, you will change your life. I’m currently reading BJ Fogg’s book, “Tiny Habits.”
Fogg discusses a woman who wakes up every morning at 4:30 a.m. to workout, but then she picks up her phone, and lies in bed for an hour scrolling Facebook. He shares her methodology for changing that habit. I’m not going to get into that, but I am going to share what I did this morning:
I woke up at 4:00 a.m., exhausted, but unable to fall back asleep. I spent a good 30 minutes scrolling, and then I recorded my emotions:
FOMO, argumentative, cool!, d*mn ad, they want my data!, neat, ew, I’m stupid, grr, miss that person, f*cking politics, d*mn ad, dumb*ss, stupid discussion, oh cool it’s my friend doing amazing things, no time to read that article but I hope I get to it later, d*mn ad, stupid meme, she’s smarter than me, dumb*ss, stupid meme, ad, ew, ew, I’m done, no one more, oh no, sad story someone died, why am I reading this sad article, oh my god I just wasted 30 minutes on this sh!t.
Then I took a break and did other things, but then I got back on again: I saw politics, I have to comment, ew, cool, no time for that survey, politics, ad, who are you, ad, inspirational friend bullsh*t, politics, ad, a concert I’ll never go to – I’m cheap and have no life, I have no life!, race, ad, marketplace thing for sale, why am I seeing that?, ooh an elephant that paints? cool, politician, another politician, satire news site that fools me for a second, hoax, politics, ad. Great, now I’ve wasted a full hour of my morning. I need to get ready for work!
When I scroll Facebook, I feel like I’m falling down a hill and bumping different parts of my body on the hard ground as I fall. Then I land on the bottom of the hill an hour later, covered in dirt, and having accomplished nothing.