In my last post, I mentioned that my man and I are “competitive budgeting.” We’ve been spending entirely too much money lately, and we’re both trying to get that under control. September was our test month, and with 5 days left, I think we’ll both make our goals. Still, I have very little left if I’d like to come in under budget for September. [This feels like a reality TV show!!]
Last night we were planning to walk around downtown, maybe get a beer and look at Bike Fest, but it was raining so instead we went to the mall. The mall is not a happy place for me, but I figured we’d walk around… pretend to be poor people pretending to be rich, and dream about all the expensive things we would buy someday. 🙂
We started at the Red Monkey tavern because I needed a drink just to tolerate the place. We ended up invading a retirement party. Joe spent $17 for his Dirty Monkey and my IPA. Juxtaposed with a background of Belks, the retirement party and the IPA made for an odd vibe, and I found myself longing for the raunchiness of Bike Week — even soaking wet that’d be a better Friday night. It was my fault for not wanting to get drenched…
Strangely, the Red Monkey made me feel a little cheap and used… the $17 seemed like a waste– we could have gotten 16-ounce cans of beer at the gas station for $1.50 each, drank them, and been more prepared for mall vibe.
After the beers, we walked the mall, hitting every cul de sac. I got my hair styled by one of those women selling hair tools and I pretended to be enamored by the $100 straightening iron. Next, we went to the Godiva store because Joe had joined the rewards program and he was supposed to get a free truffle, but the guy in there was snotty so we left empty-handed.
I still had a $10 birthday reward at Victoria’s Secret. I’m an expert at using $10 rewards to my fullest advantage — spending very little over the $10. I bought one pair of underwear, extra low rise hipster, for $10.50. It cost me 53 cents out of pocket.
Next we walked through the misty fog to McDonald’s to use our Stealz apps to get free McFlurry’s. Total spending for night: $17.53.
I thought this month of thriftiness would make me feel accomplished, but instead I feel a little stingy. Furthermore, like a dieter who hasn’t had chips and candy in months, I wanna spend money!!
I also feel a little skeezy. Yes, I’m becoming an expert at getting free stuff, but at what cost? Shouldn’t I be getting something more meaningful out of the world?
Before this all started, I said that I was going to spend less, but still live well. I wasn’t going to sacrifice class. I might not get as much Godiva as I want, but I won’t lower myself to Hershey’s. There is a line somewhere between thrifty and stingy, between silly and annoying, between reasonable and ridiculous.
[I wrote this blog Friday night. Then I was lying in bed, thinking about this blog, and I realized I needed to have an eagle’s view…]
I am currently studying the Munay Ki rites. One of the symbols used is the eagle, which means to look at my life with perspective; to not get so caught up in details that I miss the big picture. What is the big picture? What are my goals? To save more? To retire early? To have enough money that I don’t need to depend on my job? To buy a Ferrari or Lancer Evo? (yes!)
The answer? Sh’Bieue doesn’t know what her goals are. She is no closer to finding meaning in her life than she was 10 or 20 years ago. She has dreams, but they are all just figgie’s, and in the end she still isn’t sure at all what’s important to her. But she does know this: she’s come to the awareness that friends and family are more dear to her than they were in the past. Life may always feel just a bit surreal. And finally, life isn’t just what you make of it… that’s such a small part, there’s so many other factors, and it’s serendipity and entertainment too…
What am I getting at? I will make my goal this month because I am competitive. But next month? the month after that? the year after that? Five years from now? Long-term goals are much more of a challenge and I still don’t know what to make of this world.
