Cliches…

Most cliches don’t make much sense, or they are spectacularly annoying. Today,  I’m going to dismantle several common cliches. If you use a cliche around me, I’ll see you as less credible. Just sayin’.

“Don’t Burn Bridges.” Ever hear the cliche, “You can’t go back?” It totally contradicts, “Don’t Burn Bridges.” Just don’t say either of them.

“Don’t look a gift hoarse in the mouth.” Does the horse have a sore throat?

“Every cloud has a silver lining.” Does it really? I just see rain.

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” What is wrong with a lemon, anyways? They are tasty. Stupid cliche.

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Yes, but if it’s picked, it can be shipped by truck to the other side of the country and sold, and it can also rot on the ground where it falls. Also, a tree is around a lot longer than an apple.

“Airing dirty laundry.” The air around the laundry smells bad? Please just wash it.

“Always a bridesmaid, never the bride.” But, the bridesmaid has a lot more fun and doesn’t have to spend $20,000-$50,000 for a one-day event or commit to one guy for the rest of their life.

“As useful as a lead balloon.” What? You could poison an entire elementary school with a lead balloon. It’s very useful.

“Pot calling the kettle black.” What’s wrong with black? Is the pot racist? Isn’t pot green?

“Cat got your tongue?” That sounds painful.

“Cross that bridge when you come to it.” Didn’t you already burn it?

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” So I should carry many baskets? That sounds difficult.

“An axe to grind.” Isn’t axe a men’s body spray? Grindr? Is this a gay reference?

“Back against the wall.” Sounds like it’s good for your posture.

“Barking up the wrong tree.” Aw, poor puppy. I think it’s thirsty.

“Beggars can’t be choosers.” Yes, they can!

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Ooh, a mouse!

“Start from scratch.” Does this have something to do with the cat?

“When the cat’s away…” I’m still waiting for my mouse.

“Take one for the team.” I always think about gang rape when I hear this one.

“Waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Do people tend to drop shoes and then bad things happen?

“When push comes to shove.” They are both the same thing.

So many more cliches. That’s just the tip of the iceberg!