A letter to my 14-year-old self:
Don’t buy too many clothes for your freshman year of high school. You are about to gain about 40 pounds and none of the clothes will fit. No, you won’t be fat, but you will go from a skinny, leggy girl to a normal-sized woman. Eat fewer nachos and the weight will come on slower.
Sleep without underwear occasionally. You should air out your hoo-haw. You might not know the expression, “hoo haw.”
The world will get much more crowded with people, so get used to them. Also, watch out for people, other cars, and poles once you start driving. Finally, avoid interactions with spray paint and Christian buses.
The soap opera Guiding Light, is stupid. Turn off the TV, and join a club at school. You might make more friends.
You don’t need hairspray. Blow dry your bangs flat and wear a ponytail, instead. You have curlier hair than you think.
Have fun seeing Aerosmith in concert! You will look fondly back on that day for many years! Suggest to dad that he brings earplugs for both of you. Check in on dad a few times during the concert – he’ll be worried when he can’t find you in the crowd. Make sure you thank him for driving you to that show — he won’t have as much fun at it as you do!
Your mom will try to bond with you over shopping and TCBY because there’s not much going on in your hometown. It’s what she’s got; your hometown is boring.
I know your brother is better at making friends than you are. It’s easier for boys. He’ll also have a more traditional life than you, and he’ll make much more money than you. You are a weirdo. The sooner you accept it and like yourself, the better.
Listen to other music besides hair metal. Maybe listen to Joni Mitchell. You’ll like her when you’re older, I promise. You will also learn to like country music?! And one day, hair metal will be called “classic rock.”
In 20 years, the preppy girls will become moms with botox and public relations jobs. They will all hate their lives but you won’t know it by looking on Facebook. What’s Facebook? Aw, poor baby, you have so much to learn…
You were a decent baton twirler, even though you never won any major competitions. Paula didn’t give up on you when she stopped giving you all the attention; she just needed to make more money by teaching bigger classes! It wasn’t personal. It rarely is.
Stop chewing your nails, eat less sugar, never smoke cigarettes, and find a way to exercise. Maybe join a sport at school. Even if you’re not good, it will help you stay healthier and feel better, and you’ll meet nicer friends. And, by god, stop dancing in the hallways at school and maybe take a modeling or charm class: you’ll learn poise.
Finally, when you go to the beach with your family, wear stronger sunscreen! SPF 15 isn’t going to help. Hide under a towel, perhaps. Take care of your skin, and use mom’s Clinique. Your older self will be glad you did!